Dear Sisters, Brothers, Sisters-in-law, Brothers-in-law, Cousins, Children, Neices, Nephews, et al:
My family letter is going to be directed to the recent effort to coordinate an inclusive family reunion. I am 100% in and throw my support behind it. In an attempt to support the effort, I offer the following insights which may be helpful as you plan.
Family Reunions are held for the purpose of developing and maintaining family relationships. I love what Elder Burke H. Peterson said at Grandma Joy’s funeral. Elder Peterson is an emeritus General Authority who was also Grandpa Barrus’ home teacher for many years. He spoke at our mother’s funeral. He said, (and I quote as nearly perfect as I can remember) “Temples are for families who love each other enough to do the work to become forever families.” I did not appreciate the value of that quote 32 years ago, but I have come to know that that is TRUE. The work that is required to become a forever family is to develop and maintain loving relationships where we encourage each other to keep trying to be better. I and my family have been blessed in this way by having family reunions. They have been fun, but the true value has been that I and my family have forever relationships with those who have attended them. The reunions have provided an opportunity to get to know each other well. When we siblings met in Arizona this past September it felt like the Celestial Kingdom to me. We all came from all sorts of directions and met at a house. As each new group drove up my heart leapt and I felt, “Oh, there is Curt! Oh! There is Rob! Oh, Megumi is here! Where is Carole and John? Oh, there they are!” Not until everyone was accounted for was my joy complete.
A perfect family reunion would be one that (1) fit well into our financial family budget, (2) supplied comfortable, pleasant physical accommodations, (3) required an easy effort in travel, (4) was near several interesting things to see and do, and (5) provided for some personal privacy when things became overwhelming. The reality is that a family reunion requires every single participant to sacrifice at least one of these things.
(a) Financial Sacrifice: I have generally been in the category where a family reunion was never, ever, ever comfortably within our financial means. Meeting that seemingly insurmountable challenge with creativity (and hard work and sacrifice) was required from our family.
(b) Personal Comfort: Those with deeper financial pockets sacrificed their personal comfort when they could have afforded more luxurious accommodations. Remember when Bruce and Jean, and David and Megumi, among others, suffered through the bedbugs in southern Utah?
(c) Easy Access: Aunt Carole’s family has GOT to win the prize for being the most inconvenienced on the travel side. They never, ever, ever were able to drive to a reunion. That was expensive and time-consuming. Thank you, John, for sacrificing a great deal of personal preference and for Carole, for not whining about the inconvenience every single time!
(d) Area Attractions: Remember the May Family Ranch in Idaho? The mountains were breath-taking and the boat ride down the snake was lovely, but, lots of interesting things to see or do? Really? I DO remember playing a lot of charades with Jill, specifically, and having my sides ache from laughing. Jill, you were so much fun to be with! [That was my turn at accommodations. Sorry, again, guys. Thank you for your support and not bringing THAT up every time we are together.]
(e) Personal Privacy: Remember when Julie and Boyd were gracious the entire week as they spent their nights in a platform tent with my entire crew, which included a new, non-sleeping baby?
Remember the bunkhouse at the May Family Ranch and how much fun it was to figure out how to dress/undress modestly? [My extreme apologies, again.]
***A special note***Uncle Rob and Aunt Angie attended the family reunion only a couple of weeks after their wedding. What were they thinking? I’m glad they weren’t thinking, because that was the only way we got to know Angie. Bless you, both.
Everyone wants all of these needs to be met for everyone, not only for their family. We love each other. It helps to recognize that these needs are remembered and that the committees will absolutely do their best to meet the all of these needs. BUT—the fact remains that everyone will sacrifice in some way. You will have to decide whether your particular sacrifice will be worth it. If it is not, don’t feel badly about it. You have to be honest with yourself and choose what is best for your family.
I am so grateful for all of the sacrifice of everyone through the years in order to provide a family reunion. The family reunions have been such a blessing in my family’s life. It provided an anchor of love and belonging for us. I questioned our attending almost each time the reunion came up, but I couldn’t stand missing out on being together with everyone. Because, as you all know, Together is a Wonderful Place to be. The Family Reunions provided a unique opportunity for the Barrus family to work at being a forever family.
I would like to add a special note of thanks to all of the most insistent family reunion siblings. Thank you for dragging me along even though I was not always positive. Thank you for ignoring my fears and moving forward to make these things happen. Thank you for teaching me that I could do hard things and even have fun doing it (or maybe have fun remembering doing it). What a blessing you persistent, nagging people are in my life!
I am committed to continuing to find opportunities to be together with my siblings, nieces, nephews, children because I have come to know the great value in doing so. You are my BFFs. I would rather be with you than anyone else in the entire world. Isn’t that what makes a forever family? Do you want to live forever with people you either don’t know or don’t like? Ah, I’m the lucky one! I drew the long straw for sure! How I love you, each and every one of you.
Love—Aunt Chris
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